"Staycation." It's a crock. If you're home, you're not on vacation.
Maybe you're using vacation days. Maybe you're relaxing and clearing your head. Maybe you're eating up "use or lose" days. Maybe you're taking off so you can visit local museums, restaurants and galleries because you never have time on the weekends.
Nothing wrong with any of that. But you are not on vacation. True, you are not at work. But what you are experiencing is not a vacation.
In order for you truly to have been on vacation, three or more of the following things must have happened:
1. You said to people afterwards, "I just got back from vacation."
2. You are the proud new owner of:
a. an embroidered peasant blouse you cannot wear at home with any dignity;
b. crocheted doilies, decorated clogs or a painting on bark;
c. boots or a bag made out of the skin of an animal you'd never heard of;
d. a small musical instrument you can't play or;
e. a bottle of "black death" because it seemed so perfect at the time. That perfect time being after a bite of putrified shark meat.
3. You ate breakfast out for a week.
4. When you returned to your bed at night, it had been magically made without you touching it.
5. Before leaving, you had to find your passport. And you wondered briefly how current your vaccinations were. Or, what Japanese encephalitis was.
6. You slept in a tent, on a cot, in a sleeping bag or surrounded by mosquito netting.
7. You debated packing peanut butter and toilet paper.
8. You packed at all.
9. You were handed a menu and were unable to understand half the items on it. Even though it was written in English.
10. You bought postcards. Or a refrigerator magnet. Or a t-shirt. Or all three. Possibly at multiple locations.
11. You kicked yourself for not packing enough camera memory cards.
12. You own new maps.
13. You mistakenly ate a critter, or parts thereof, that you never would have eaten had known what you were ordering. (see # 9)
14. You ended up dining with tons of Americans, even though you were miles from the U.S., because the place you ended up in was recommended by Rick Steves.
Got other examples of how you know for certain you were on vacation?
Here are the ways to know for sure you were NOT on vacation:
1. You ran a weekly errand.
2. You checked for mail…the paper kind.
3. You ran into people you know on the street and you didn't shriek,"Omigod, what are YOU doing here? It's a small world, isn't it?"
Conclusion: To be on vacation is to go away.
Addendum: You might also enjoy this follow-up to the staycations post.
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Photos: Ellen Perlman
1. "Staycation" – You still have a view of the bills you need to pay
2. "Vacation" – What's in the view? Do you see any bills?
Boldly Go Solo 
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