Boldly Go Solo

8 responses to “Men need to be pushed. Or something.”

1. 

   placeswegopeoplewesee

   March 31, 2008

   Can I comment even if I’m not a man? As a generalization, it’s true that women seem to get out there more. But I interview folks for my Where they Went column every week in the Boston Globe and I talk to a gender mix of planners. On group trips I do, I absolutely see more women. But I see more women in groups of all sorts. On the other hand, I see many more men on hunting, fishing, hiking, hard-core bicycling, etc. trips. Generalizations are just that, but they come from somewhere.

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2. 

   Ted

   April 1, 2008

   I’m a man, and I have wondered about this phenomenon. One of the reasons I end up traveling solo most of the time is that my single male friends are almost never interested in any sort of travel. So now I don’t even bother asking, and just plan my solo trips. For me that’s better than staying home, but apparently it isn’t for them. Maybe I’m the exception that proves the rule?
   Many of my married or “girlfriended” male acquaintances at work admit to taking vacations only at the insistence of their significant others. They go on family summer vacations to satisfy the kids, and please their wives or girlfriends with obligatory romantic getaways. They would prefer to stay home working on cars, “projects,” or perhaps play competitive sports or go fishing– if they can tear themselves away from work at all. That may be the common preference for men past “student” age. I’m not sure why this is, as it’s not my preference.
   I don’t know whether men are better at traveling independently, since I personally don’t know any who do it. The participants on Web forums devoted to solo travel are overwhelmingly female, and it is only women who seem to genuinely enjoy (and evangelize about) solo travel. From that I get the impression that it’s women who are better at it. It could be that men don’t talk about solo travel, but just fearlessly go out and do it. But I haven’t seen any evidence of that.
   One would think the unbalanced gender ratio on group trips that appeal to soloists would be self-correcting. Once men find out about the favorable gender ratio on tours, they should be signing up in droves to avail themselves of the golden opportunity. But that’s apparently not happening. I have had one experience with a “singles” tour on which the company did not attempt balance the number of men and women. The group was mostly women, with a handful of men. The women quickly formed their cliques that ate, drank, and shopped together. They mostly ignored me and the other men. One data point is not sufficient to generalize anything, but my experience suggests that men may have a well-founded fear that reality may be vastly different from the fantasy of an “unbalanced” tour.

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3. 

   Robin Ketro

   April 1, 2008

   I’m not a man either, but I met plenty of male travelers on my recent solo trip to India, where I traveled for 7 weeks in several “solo” styles (with a tour group, with another woman I met while traveling, and alone). When I was on a tour at the beginning, there were two solo guys (out of only 11 people all together), but most of the male travelers I met were traveling completely alone, and liked it that way. They said they preferred to travel alone, usually to interact more with the locals, in a few cases because they were traveling specifically to spend time alone.

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4. 

   Ellen

   April 1, 2008

   Now I need to write a new blog entry about how more women respond to entries about men traveling solo than men do…ahem.
   In response to placeswegopeoplewesee, I’m thinking about goin’ fishin’ next if that’s where the boys are.
   To Ted, I know where you’re coming from. I have often seen women group up and connect on trips and ignore men AND other women. Not maliciously, but they’ve chosen their peeps to hang out with and they’re happy. They don’t much think about who they’ve left behind.
   Many women I know talk about the great women they’ve met on their travels. I’ve met great women on trips who I’m still in touch with. Maybe it’s just how women are socialized.
   Although you do hear a smattering of stories about couples who meet on trips and fall in love and blah, blah, blah, sunsets, knights on white horses, blah, blah.
   As for your point, Robin, I do see men out there traveling independently. And I read and hear about women who do it, but women often fear for their safety. They may do it less for that reason, though I have no numbers to throw out there.
   I enjoy groups because it makes it easier for me to set out alone if I know I will have people to hang out with, for better or worse. And, as I’ve said before, I enjoy kayaking and rafting and biking and such, and prefer to do that with a group for safety and equipment reasons.
   Ted, the other thing I’ve noticed is that mixed couples/solos groups seem more open and friendly overall. The dynamic feels different. Couples are usually open to meeting other people and there isn’t that eyeballing thing that goes on in all-singles groups. But really, I don’t have any answers. I enjoy hearing others’ perspectives. Thanks for sharing.

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5. 

   Ted

   April 1, 2008

   It just occurred to me that you’re unlikely to get many responses to your question from men because there may not be any men (besides me, of course) who read this blog. (But guys, if you’re out there, I’d be very happy to be proved wrong!)
   Nearly every book or article (and the preponderance of Web sites and forum posts) about solo travel is either written specifically for women, or written by a woman with a decidedly female perspective even when it claims to be gender-neutral. Mainstream guidebooks that make any mention of solo travelers nearly always do so in a section called “For Women Traveling Alone” (in between similar “special needs” sections for elderly travelers, homosexual travelers, and differently-abled travelers). Those observations may simply reflect what you’ve observed and noted here.
   At one time I actually entertained thoughts about filling that apparent vacuum by writing a book about solo travel for men. But I immediately realized that no publisher would even read the manuscript because nobody would buy the book. You see, if the book somehow got published no man would want to risk the embarrassment of anyone noticing him buying it. That would amount to an admission that he’s a LOSER who can’t get a babe to take a trip. Mind you, a significant number of men might peruse it in the store, but furtively, the way they might thumb through one of those magazines covered with a protective panel. But they would never BUY it (even to read by flashlight under the covers at night) because it’s just too embarrassing.
   I believe the Answer you’re seeking is that those (few?) men who do travel solo just do it. They don’t talk about it to their friends. And they certainly don’t wax poetic about “spiritual empowerment,” either to their friends or in Web forums. They’re unlikely to meet lifelong friends on their solo travels either. That’s partially because solo men tend to be viewed with suspicion, and are either ignored or avoided. And also because many men (particularly Americans) have a Primal Fear of any male strangers who appear too friendly. And they don’t join groups either– the male counterpart of the burgeoning women-only tour industry is specifically limited to the minority (between two and ten percent of the population, depending on who’s counting) who prefer exclusively male companionship.
   Most men who don’t have a family, spouse, or girlfriend who insist on traveling don’t travel. And the rest– those who can’t find friends to go with them– just quietly go out on their own and don’t make any big deal about it (in part because they’re afraid that talking about it reveals a weakness). And there you have it. We’re out there, but we do our best to keep a low profile.

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6. 

   Ellen

   April 2, 2008

   Ted,
   Another interesting point. For the record, however, I know I have men reading. No clue how many, but I’ve gotten several emails from men who don’t comment here but email me offline to say something. I have a lot of lurkers of both sexes who don’t want to join the conversation. I wish they would!

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7. 

   Linda

   April 5, 2008

   Hello there, I am the original poster on Eco Travel Logue and thought I’d step in to defend the posting as I think if you re-read the post I am of exactly the same opinion as you. In the post I write Responsible Travel revealed “women care more about the environment and social impact of their holiday decisions than men.” I probably should have made it clearer that this is their statement, not an assumption made by me.
   After reporting on their findings I point out “but this doesn’t necessarily mean they’re more environmentally-savvy when it comes to travel, it may be just because they’re normally the ones who organise vacations.”
   Just so no other readers are confused I have it reworded slightly, so thanks, your comment was helpful. You’re very welcome to leave a comment on the site in future so other EcoTravelLogue readers can see your opinion.
   Cheers
   Linda
   http://www.ecotravellogue.com

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8. 

   Ellen

   April 6, 2008

   Hi Linda,
   Thanks for that clarification. It makes sense when you put those two things together as you stated above: that women are self-reporting that they care more about the environment, and that women tend to be the ones who push to go on these vacations. Glad you came to the site and explained that.

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