Boldly Go Solo

"Don't worry," my new Spanish language partner explained when we arranged to meet for the first time for an exchange of English and Spanish lessons and he wanted to let me know how prompt he is. "I am sharp with the time."

I laugh, but I'm sure I've cracked up many a Spaniard and South American when I attempted to speak my Spanish to them.

Recently I received an email with the headline, "Up Your Bottom." A Japanese businessman meant to toast an American and Japanese audience by saying, "Bottom's Up." Oops.

A publisher has decided to turn these bloopers into a book and is asking for contributions. You can submit similar tales for possible publication in the book. You have until June 4 to submit a funny story. And yes, there are token prizes.

In the same vein, I received an email from a new reader who missed my contest for stories on mangling the language. But she sent her funny story anyway:

A friend of mine in Mallorca had recently arrived and was anxious to practice her Spanish (she was English, her husband Spanish), so when she went to the village butcher shop and instead of the normal pointing plus "uno, por favor" she braved a conversation.

She was having some people over, so said "I need a very large chicken, please, enough to feed six." Well, the word for chicken, "pollo," is very similar to the word for, you guessed it, the male reproductive organ. No wonder they´re still wary of foreigners in Mallorca!

Sometimes, you just wish you were una mosca en la pared. (And I sure hope that means "fly on the wall" and not something inappropriate.)

Photo: Ellen Perlman. Barco de Avila, Spain.